Changing ambitions

One of those days I feared the most is the reopening day of my school. The fear was not because I had to study for another year, act as a good student but it’s because I had to go infront of the class every period and had to introduce myself. Every student had to go infront of the class and introduce himself/herself on the first day and the most irritating part was we had to introduce our self every period.

Though saying your name and the place where you are come from seems very easy, I feared a lot just because I had to say my ambition along with my name and address. I never knew what my ambition was; everyone in the class would go forward; tell their names and say that they want to become a Scientist, Doctor, IAS officer (Remember Engineering was never anyone’s ambition when they were young).

During my primary schooling I used to say that my ambition is to become a Doctor just for the sole reason that almost everyone in the class said that and whenever any student say’s that, our teacher would pat their back and make the class clap for them.  Every year till my 5^th standard when I said I wanted to become a Doctor, I felt that, that was it; I really wanted to become a Doctor.

When I was in class 3, all I wanted was Dharani. Yes I was in love with her. During those days, my one and only ambition was her(Though I never said it out, according to my class-mates Doctor was still my ambition though). I wanted to be her husband (it may sound stupid, but that’s the way it is), but after 5^th grade she left school and there was no trace of her after that.

During 1999, ICC world cup, group A match between India and Kenya and Sachin scored a 140n.o, every cricket fan would never forget that match. Before that match India lost the match to Zimbabwe when Sachin had flown back to India to attend his father’s funeral. The man-of the match speech by Sachin after he scored his 140 will always reverberate in my ears forever. That day I decided to be a Cricketer in my life. I knew my ambition; I wanted to be Sachin Tendulkar.

In 2003, Pithamagan movie was released. I began to hear song ‘Elangaathu Veesudhey’ for more than 100 times a day. The song had a great impact in me, I used to hum the song all day wherever I go and then when I realised that Cricket wasn’t something which I wanted in my life, I have passion for something else; It’s music. I wanted to be a music composer, I wanted to play piano, I saw lot people playing the grand piano and I used to admire that and I used think that one day I would be playing the same way and people would be applauding me.

In 2008, Vaaranam ayiram movie was released and that movie completely changed the way I look into my life. I was in my 10^th grade when the movie was released. After my public exam the first thing I did was to buy a steel wristband just like the one Surya wore in the movie. I hit the gym and worked my ass out just to find out that I would never get a toned body like Surya, but he was one of the biggest inspirations in my life, after watching that movie I wanted to be an Army officer.

My brother gave me the novels ‘Five point someone’ and ‘Two states’ in late 2009. I had never read any novel prior to that and I never knew who Chetan Bhagat was by then though he was famous. I read both those books in a day and felt something inside my heart but I never knew that I would take up the way he had laid for many aspiring writers like me. I began to read lot of other books by various writers and I felt that, why not write my own book. The first novel which I wrote was something which I never completed and while writing I knew that this is the one; I wanted to be a writer.

During my teen, I held my bat in the same way Sachin used to hold it after he had smashed the ball past the bowler, his on-drive still makes me go numb. I had imitated IllaiyaRaaja’s voice many times but I realised it quickly that I never sounded anywhere close to his. I wanted to be an Army officer, doctor, bike racer, lawyer but I finally ended up with Engineering and became an Engineer. Even people ask me what my ambition is even now but I have the same confusion that I had during my childhood days.

Sometimes you aim at the target and shoot and sometimes it’s just better to shoot at a wall and call it a target. I had many ambitions and I have not become any of those but I won’t call it a failure since every one of us are the same. None of us are failures. Let not one despise your ambitions and do not allow anyone to steal your own identity.

Sometimes in life you realise you never became the person you wanted just because you can be something good than that. So even now when people ask me what my ambition is; I simply smile at them without knowing what to answer.

P.S: I would be happy if you comment down your childhood ambitions as I did.