Until I Stood Still !!

    

      I keep running, its been long since I started to run, I had even forgotten for the number of years I had been running. Day in and out there is no pause to life, I look back and I am in the same place where I had been in the start, but I keep running. How could this be? Who fucking cares where I am in life, we are told to keep running till a point comes in our life where you look back and there won't be any life in the life that we have lived. I am no different, infact we all are no different.

     I was sitting in my class at the last and scribbling my own stuff which no one could relate, maybe I couldn't related but maybe that's what I had liked back then- to write about stuff which I thought would be worth to write. I was in my own world, world of mine in which people don't keep running behind without knowing what's infornt of them. People sit and have conversation, conversation worth time spending. People talk about about Random stuff-those polar bears in Antarctic, those birds flying 1000 kilometers every year in one particular season, those beautiful people who just walk by, those little rains drops that fall on earth during the rainy season, the sun sets with coffee in hand along with the person we love beside; maybe every little thing in this world would be talked about, maybe at the end these are actually what big things are. My little world where Humans are part of the ecology circle rather than being at the center of the ecological system in reality. Maybe the world that I think about is the reality and the world that we keep running in is just a parallel world which is hoaxed.

     

     Thrown out of the classroom and college as not stable and spoiling the reputation of the institution by my worthless words. Those hundred of classes, thousands of lessons maybe they haven’t taught me anything and even if I had learned anything in those four walls that eventually didn’t help me in any way.  Those birds chirping, bushes on both sides of the road, water that oozes from the tap nozzle, those snow mountains, those little ducks swimming across the pond; these things occupied my mind rather than the quadratic equation. People really look down at you just because we are not running just like the others. Every single person needs to run but my point is I don’t wish to run, maybe I just sit in a place and make sure that people who are running doesn’t go in wrong direction or people don’t fall off. The problem with the world is there is no place for people who don’t run, people are respected even though they run without a destination in their mind. I have cleared my mind, people laugh, people slap but at the end of the day people don’t reach my destination. I have to run my own journey and I feel that my destination can be reached only through words.

     Thousands of words complied, every single sentence is written and re-written, hundreds of hours burning the midnight oil, those insomniac days, drifting from family and social life, friend move apart, lot’s of people who started the race along side me moving to greater height, society labeling as incompetent, every trauma faced, thoughts of suicides, knowing the meaning of life and death, life has been worth living without running. There are failures and I am happy that I have failed all these years, failure has taught me nothing but maybe success would have taught all fucking crap. In this world of sophisticated people I am happy that I roam as failure.

     I stood there crying about my failure in life at one point of time. People never appreciated my work, many not considered my work, disappointments, rejections; at one point I couldn’t take it all. I stood there at the center of  the road and bow my head down. There walked an angel, I never knew who she was and I haven’t seen her after that. she held my hand and said to consider her as ‘failure and rejection’ which people often refer to in my life.

     “You are worthless” She said. I stood by her and did not understand what she was trying to tell. She asked me to move five feet away from her everytime she said something, she insisted that I should not look back once moved. I obeyed.

     “You are a failure” She said, I moved five feet away from her.

     “You are stuck in life” She said, I moved further five feet away.

     “You are piece of shit” She said, I couldn’t hear her properly but heard her voice mumbling something so I went further five feet away.

      I couldn’t hear anything after that, for few minutes I stood there waiting for her to say something but I heard nothing. I turned back, she stood there and was talking something, I could see her lips move but I couldn’t hear anything. She smiled and turned opposite and started to run. I stood there.

     People talk; you move ahead. Life is as simple as that !

     I stood there, maybe I decided to stand in my life !

I got down from the car, threw my papers aside, opened my laptop and began to run. I keep running, its been long since I started to run, I had even forgotten for the number of years I had been running……… !!!!