Happiness - A Choice

            I am envious of happy people, before you judge me, it’s not that I want them to suffer nor do I wish that troubles affect their lives; I am just uncomfortable with happiness. I cannot be completely happy without the thought, “What if something goes wrong?” and I think I can partly put the blame on the superstition which goes, ‘If I enjoy today with happiness, sorrow and grief will follow soon’. Again before you judge me, I’m not superstitious but my brain just tries to be cautious.

            Why it’s so difficult to be happy? I really don’t know. Had I known that I wouldn’t be writing this. Often I have heard people saying that only after you experience real sorrow, you will be great full to your life but I always thought that being happy entirely depends upon the individual and the mindset he’s in.

            I constantly think on the things which makes me go away from happiness and I got my answer while I was watching the movie ‘ORANGE’ (No Kidding), the protagonist in the movie tells that ‘karnalatho megilipokudathu’. That sentence answered all my questions. I was and still scared of happiness, the thought that one day I may be devoid of friends, love, family and with no colours in life prevents me from enjoying the present.

            I try a lot not to think of such things. I try to live in the present without fearing about the future. Often I have succeeded but it’s always short lived and many times I find myself exactly where I began.

            So how am I supposed to remove the mask of pain from my face? Even I don’t know that but I’m happy that I’m letting it out so that there could be people like me hidden in the dark, maybe it can be a reason for my happiness that people like me do exist in this world.

           

            Happiness is always a choice and it’s your choice that really matters.