Still in Love

Mr. Raghav, our neighbour was buying a car toy and few other things while I was helping myself to get some charts and glue stick for my assignment. It has been three years since he moved to the house beside us, but as far as I know he was dwelling alone since then. I would always question myself but I never felt in need to get the answer since I felt wasn't worth questioning.

Since I was looking without taking my eyes of him, he came beside me and smiled. I thought this was the right time to ask what was running inside me. He asked me to come along with him when I had asked what was in my mind. I followed him to his home, to my surprise; there were about thousand toys that were arranged in his house. He sat beside me and told that these are for his grandson’s. But I knew that he wasn't even married and he lived alone. He put his arm around me and spoke.

“Things were tough while I was in school in 1964. I used to be skinny with a hint of moustache. My dad used to teach Physic in Regional Engineering College, Trichy. He used to teach Maths and Physics for the school students in the evening and that was the first time I saw her. I still remember she was wearing a peacock coloured half saree. A little dark in complexion and she had the prettiest eyes you will ever see. I fell for her right there.

It took me quite a few months to talk to her. She used to study in convent there. I was shivering from head to toe while I first approached her with a rose in hand. Surprisingly she said ‘Yes’ the first time itself. I used to give her those tiny letters everyday and she used to smile every-time. It continued for almost three years, until it was finally time for us to leave for college. I met her before leaving for IIT Madras; that was the first time I kissed her, I don’t remember much of it but our hearts were racing in fear of getting caught.

She was going to a local college in Trichy while I was off to IIT Madras. That first year at college was the most difficult days. The rains of happiness showered when we decided to meet each other after one year. It was in platform no. 3 in Central station. We both sat in a rickshaw on our way back. I took her to places in Madras and those 5 hours were my best hours of my life.

             

           College ended and I got placed in BHEL. It was a good job and it gave me a house in Delhi to work there. I knew it was the right time to confess my love with her parents. I met her that evening and showed my appointment order and she was happy. She told that she would tell about me and told me come within a month along with my parents.

She had approached her parents about me but they shipped her off to Madras. When I knew about this I rushed to Madras against my parents wish. I took me three days to get there. Those were the worst 72 hours in my life, no food, no sleep. After reaching there it took a while to find her. I finally did, in T.T.M Mandappam. She was getting married to an Engineer from her home-town. The way she looked at me when I entered the Mandappam, I knew I had lost. Amidst all her uncles and relatives shouting and threatening me, the only thing that convinced me that I had lost was, she folded her hands and cried for me to leave.

Today she has 2 kids, one son married and other son in States. She also has a grandchild, a girl. She lives in Hyderabad and in these 39 years, I have gone every year to see her. I don’t meet her or make her even aware that I am there. I don’t want her to feel ashamed. I am now 63, unmarried, retired and live alone in this three bedroom cottage thinking she lives beside me every-time.

After that day I returned from Madras, I decided I will never let anyone take her place. I was arrogant and foolish. Today I see couples ‘Breaking up’ and ‘getting committed’ every second month and I couldn't do it. In a way it is good that you can’t find any guys like me, people remain happier since they don’t give up on love entirely after losing it once. I feel sorry for authors that they don’t have anything to get inspired to write an epic love tale anymore. I wish I could have born in this era.”

I was not able to speak anything. I had moist eyes. I stood up and left the place without a word. Everyone has a story; stories are part of our life. There are happy ones and some are with sad ending. A sad ending doesn't mean that you don’t have any more happiness in your life; it just means that you don’t give up on your sadness since it gave you so much happiness.

Love, break up, Love again and this continues. You love someone, then things don’t go the way you intend to and in the end you both break up. Within few months or even days you fall again in so called Love, you feel the same happiness when you again love someone in the beginning; you feel that you had made a wise decision in breaking up with your previous love so that you were able to get this true love. As a matter of fact you feel the same way for almost all your love stories. We tend to Love without knowing it’s meaning.

P.S: Based on a post in a confession page.