Those final few hours

Off late I have been writing a lot of personal blogs and this is yet another one of them. This year has been one of the most draining years of my life and I had to go through a lot and this is the toughest period of all. On one side I am going through my arrear exams and on the other side my love life is going to come to an end in few hours from now.

It was in 6^th standard I saw her first, As soon as I entered higher secondary school she was the first person I saw, though I never loved the moment I saw her, she became one of my best friends of that time. As time went by we became really close to each other, there was no other person who was as close as her, and I got many other good friends because of her. My life seemed to be going smooth until I entered 9^th standard.

Life changes thick and fast during that period, It’s either make or break situation in any person’s life, unfortunately for me I’m part of the later. Until that time, I was in regular in top 5 ranks in our class but that feeling called LOVE crept in and changed me completely ( I’m not trying to shift the blame onto someone else for my poor academics though). Friends play an important role, when one of them asked me what’s going on between us, I never thought about it much but sometime I used to sit alone at home and used to think, think on the things my friends used to tell- she is seeing you, she is in love with you, you both are made for each other, she cares for you much, don’t delay go and propose her, though I remain as if I didn’t pay much attention to them, when I come home and sit alone I used to think about it and all their words used to make sense for me.

In my entire 9^th and 10^th grade she used to sit adjacent to me and I never used to take my eyes off her. Whenever she speaks with some other boy I used to get this feeling that only a boy knows when their loved one’s get along close with someone else. Everytime when she gave me special importance I used to feel happy. I still remember one incident during my 9^th grade, one of my friend approached her for writing the record (Girls writing boys record was one of the most common thing in schools and colleges, infact there are certain boys in class who used to speak with girls only during that high time of Jan-Feb, it’s only then students are stressed to complete their records on time) and she accepted to write it for him but few days later when I gave my record, she returned the record which she took from my friend. My friend asked that he gave her first to write and it was not fair on her part to return it then she said, ‘Enaku Abhi dan mukiyam’ and I was like over the moon. There were many small things like this which made me believe that she had the same feeling like I had for her.

Just a month before our 10^th board exams could begin, she came to my house. She taught me those salt experiments for chemistry practicals. Those two hours which I spend with her was one of the most unforgettable moments in my life. I still remember each and every minute in that two hours, I remember all the things we spoke that day. One  of the best things of that time was unlimited SMS’s, we both used to exchange 500 texts between us every day and it was obvious that my studies dropped gradually; I used to feature in top 10 ranks then in top 15.

After our 10^th board exams, as expected I did not live upto my parents expectation so they decided to change my school so that it could change my fortune but it lead to the worse. Different school, different set of people, different environment and I was clearly missing my old friends and especially her. It was on October 23^rd 2009 around 6 in the evening I proposed her. I still remember the nervousness I had when I proposed her, I was literally shivering and I felt that I was about to faint. She thought that I was just kidding when I proposed her and after some time when I insisted about my feelings she chopped my feeling with the truth; she never loved me, I was always just her friend, she never ever had dreamt of loving me and this time I was really fainting and my eyes were turning moist by every passing second. She told me she did not love me and will never love me and she also said that she was already in love with someone else. I was broken, I cried without able to do anything. I tried calling and texting her many times for next few days but she did not attend any. The truth was finally chocking in me, the truth that she was not mine was killing me and it transferred into my studies, I failed in every subject, I never went to school for about a month. I used to go from home as if I am going to school but I used to go to any place in random and used to spent the time alone thinking about how my life could have been.

It has been over half a decade since I proposed her, but still my love for her remains intact and I’m sure that it would remain the same till my last breath. In few hours from now, she would be getting married to the one whom she loved, I’m happy for her that she would be happy for the rest of her life with the one she loved but I’m sad for myself that even my happiness remains with the one who isn’t even mine in sometime from now.

These are those final few hours where I could see you as my love, after few hours I know that you belong to someone else. These final few hours have been tough and it made me go back to my beautiful past with you and recollect all those days I spent with you. You may not be beside me but yours memories will always be mine forever.

Those final few hours,

P.S : Happy Married Life.